Glow Brighter with Toni : Feel Your Feels
Published April 21, 2020 (Season 1, Episode 2)
Overview: On this episode of Glow Brighter with Toni, we’ll discuss feeling all of your feels while in quarantine and how that can actually make you glow brighter. Stay Tuned.
Hello Everyone! Thank you for tuning in with Glow Brighter with Toni. I’m Toni, your host, and today we are talking about feeling your feels in quarantine. Well, actually just feeling your feels in general. That is the thing, right? As we are in this time when we are trying to decipher when we are going to get out of this self-isolation, when we can go back to our normal lives, and when we can continue to see people, touch people, hug people, love people, be around people, and do everything that we are used to doing. It is kind of like we go through a whole gambit of emotions and feelings. I just want to encourage all of you to feel your feels. I was reading the other day. There is this author, artist on Instagram, Alex Elle, and one of her post said. It said, “I give myself permission to feel all my feelings.” I thought that is just such an important message for all of us today. To really feel all of our feelings while we are quarantine and while we go through life and while we interact with others. That is an important factor of glowing up and glowing brighter. Whenever you deny yourself the ability to feel something or to truly dive deep into what you are feeling, you really miss out on a stage of growth and a stage of what you are needing to achieve to go higher, vibrate higher, to reach the next level in your healing, or ascending into the person that you are going to be. When you deny that self, you put that in a little box and you never get to elevate the way you are suppose to. I would encourage you to feel your feelings.
Here are a few things that have been going on with me while I have been quarantine and how I have been feeling my feelings. I really limit my exposure to media and to everything that is going on right now. I feel every time that you turn on the news or you are going on MSN, Yahoo, or something that you are completely bombarded into seeing everything that is happening with the pandemic. Everything that is happening with COVID, how many deaths, what is suppose to be happening, and people projecting this is not going to be over and this is not going to end that it is not going to do anything. And, then as soon as you get into one rabbit hole, you keep going down it, down it, and down it. It is very important for me to keep my mental health high where I literally limit the amount of time that I am exposed to media coverage or anything. This does not mean that I am living in a box or that I do not know what is going or the severity of every different angle of what people are thinking. But, I really am allowing myself the space to be where I am at because I have to take care of me to get through this new normal and that is the lesson in life. You have to take care of yourselves or you are unable, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, glow brighter-y unable to take care of anyone else. If you cannot literally do that, you are not going to be of use to anyone. You might be for a period of time but you know that one fable that comes up where you continue to pour water into everybody else’s glasses but you never refill your own. You are going to eventually run and eventually will be empty. So, that is why, for me, to keep my vibrate high and to keep glowing bright, to keep seeing some joy in every day, I have to limit my exposure. If that is something that is creating fear or worry and you continue to turn on the news, I highly recommend limiting your time. If that means giving yourself 30 minutes or a hour, do that and then go do something else.
Another way that I have been going into this impact of feeling my feels, I work from home and my tendency to see people is very rare. I, basically, do not see any people. I have my two dogs with me. Otherwise, I will see people at HEB, facetime friends, or call friends but being myself has a lot of different challenges as does being quarantined with a partner or quarantined with a family. Everything presents a challenge. It does not mean that someone’s way is better than someone else’s. Or, that I am feeling my way is more of a strife as someone else who is dealing with family, lost their job, or anything like that. I don’t think that all. I think we all run on our race. And, it is all valid. We are all valid to feel what we need to feel. I had a conversation with one of my friends on the phone and he has a wife and kid. I am very close to them, extremely close to them. They are like my family. I see them every week. I go over there every week. Their daughter calls me Tia. I have seen her probably every week of her life. To not go over there and to not see them has been challenging. He called me and said, “I need people, Toni. I need people.” And, I got so angry. Here I was working from home and had not seen anyone and I mean I let it rip in angry. I said, “Are you blanking kidding me?” Yes, I cuss a lot in my real life. I cannot believe that you are saying this. If you would just stay your damn ass at home, then all of us can get out and do what we want to do.” I was angry. I told him that I am sorry to get mad at you or to yell at you but I am angry that we are in this situation. I am ready to be out. And, I am sure many of you can relate to this. So, you have to get that out. You have to get out that container of anger and rage out. Maybe you unrelease it on a friend. Our friendship is very strong to sustain that. I mean I have been friends with him for over 20 years so that is the level of trust and respect that we have with each other that I can do that and feel comfortable doing that. You have to have a way where you can release that type of energy because that comes up.
For me when I am super intense and in an angry state, everything is pissing me off and I am complaining. I am angry. Then, I will immediately go into the opposite extreme of being very sad and being in a grieving state. A mundane, muted state. That state is also needed too. So, I let myself feel it. If I am in the shower and I want to cry it out, I cry it out. I am not doing that often just FYI but if I am in that state, then I am. Usually, I am pretty even kill most of the time because I practice a lot of meditation. I journal a lot. I do a lot of those self-health techniques to keep me at that level, but even with that, you are still even the person that has the best self-care in the world is still going to experience these feelings, and I am here to tell you that it is okay. In order to glow the brightest ever that you can glow, it is acknowledging the feelings whenever you have them and to really sit in them and release them. If that is journaling it out, yelling at a friend, or talking to someone that you love and care about, then that is all valid. That is all something that you need to keep glow brighter, to keep pushing more, and to have the best self-care and self-love for yourself.
On the Gotham Institute, they have this really cool thing that they posted. I think it was on April 10th called The Feeling Wheel. I think it helps you have more of an understanding of the feelings like the basic ones of sad, scared, joyful, powerful, and peaceful. It expands it out into more. Usually, we might say I am happy. I am so happy. These gives you more words to say I am feeling hopeful. Or, I am important. I am feeling confident and proud. Or, for sad, I am feeling depressed, lonely, or bored. It keeps branching out and gives you more words to use. It encourages you to use the wheel if you have a hard time identifying maybe what you are going through. It is all important to know. The same thing is with going in this uncertain time, the only constant thing in life is change. I say this as someone who has been in a constant state of change since for probably eight years. I have moved multiple times. I have went through a divorce. I have dated various people and had a serious relationship that ended. I have moved a lot of times. Bought and sold houses. Downsized. Lived in an apartment. Switched careers. Switched jobs. Started my business. Stopped it. Starting it back up again. Traveling to different places. Not traveling to places. It has been constant state of I don’t have any control. I think that is the power of life is knowing that life is changing and even in these uncertain times, there is still power in that.
Being in a uncertain place and I will use this example with being in a relationship with people, some of you will identify if you are dating someone new or if you are trying to transition a relationship to the next level or you are trying to end it. It could be friendship also but you are in that situation and you don’t know what way it is going to go. You have to put your cards on the table and say look this is what I am feeling. This is my headspace. It is very scary and it is very vulnerable because you do not know what their response is going to be.
They might say I need to take a minute. I need to think about. Then, you are in that uncertain space for a period of time. You start overthinking, overanalyzing…maybe you don’t. Maybe you have that accomplished but that it is not me. I overthink and I overanalyze. I think of every possibility hedging on the fact that this person holds my fate in their hands. But, I realized that is giving my power away to someone when actually I am the one who holds it. Being in the uncertain space, I said what I wanted from this friendship, from this relationship, and if that person doesn’t want that, that is still a win. If they do, that is also a win. Instead of always shifting the focus on I don’t know what is going to happen, I tend to focus on what I can control and what I do have the power on.
I would encourage you during this time during this pandemic, uncertain time to think about what you do have control of and what you do have the power on. And how you can really think about things differently and shift things differently. Last week, we talked about picking your word and how you are going to continue forward in 2020. What you are going to continue doing. My word is shine and I am going to shine. It is also the same vein of feeling your feelings that in this state of mind how am I going to feel my feelings, honor myself and still shine? Still whatever your word is? Still BGID? If you listened to the last episode, you know what that means. How can I still do that? How can I still be in that state? When you are feeling your feelings, one of the best things to glow brightest is what I would ever say is to feel it, journal it, channel it, sit in it, get sick of the feelings. Don’t sit in it for a whole day or two weeks. Or, five days. I am talking about sitting in it for however long that takes you and then release it. That is the challenge. It is releasing that. That is tendency of all of us to go back and to try, replay, rehash it. If that does come back up….say you released it. You got angry about it. You shifted your focus on something else and that anger comes back up. You feel that anger again. Then, you release it. That just means that it is still there. It needs to still be worked through. Not a big deal. Totally not a big deal because it is actually part of your growth too.
I would say be gentle with yourself when you are feeling your feelings. I know I have only mentioned anger and sadness or happy. There is many of that Gotham Institute chart where you can go into it. I think one of the most important things when feeling your feelings is something that we will talk about next week is gratitude. We will touch on the benefits of that so I am not going to go too in depth with it here. But, I will say it is important when it in uncertain times as they are right now. Uncertainty breeds all kind of anxiety for some people and it is hard to keep your spirit very high and to keep glowing the brightest that you can to glow brighter by really aware. When you are really aware of what is going on in your life, you are more aware of why you are feeling or what triggered you to feel a type of way. Let me tell you, you will be glowed up. You will glowing brighter. You will be more connected with who you are and there is a lot of power. Even in uncertain times. Even in changing times. If you can really dig deep and know why that is coming up for you, it may take you a few times and you may work with a life coach or therapist to help you get there.
There is no shame in that game. No shame at all. I have done it. I have been a part of it. I have also been a life coach. There is no shame in any of that. I think the greater shame for me would be not wanting to know why I am a certain way or why I am reacting a certain way and wanting to be better so that I can love people more. That I can be a better steward in life. That I can attract and connect with people in the way that I need to. For me that would be the real shame. For others, maybe not but if you are listening to this podcast, that it is me. I identify. You are probably in that same mindset. You are probably you are already thinking that way. Feeling your feels that would be the greatest gift during this uncertain time to feel it up and to feel it all. Embrace it. It is not going away anytime soon. In reality, uncertain times are always going to come on us. It could be when we are waiting on a call from a job to see if it could change the whole course of our life. It could be when we are deciding if we are going to move. Or, where we are going to end a relationship or if we are going to jump headfirst into one. In that same regard with relationships, if you are a person in that dating world, you have transitioned from divorce or maybe you are transitioning from a long term relationship into dating, you sometimes you get a little scared to feel giddy or excited about someone or something to let that take over. Because you immediately start thinking what if they say something horrible. What if they turn into this crazy person? Or, what if they do this? That is all out of our control. But, if you are feeling giddy about something or someone lights your fire and light and they are not toxic (let’s be real), then feel that. Get excited. How many things in our lives as adults do we get to feel giddy about? Do we get to be excited? If you deny yourself that little luxury of being so excited and so giddy and running around like a child, that child like mentality, is nice. It is nice to be reconnected. We are all people who still want that we still have that innocence in us even though life has given us a few shakes and a few knocks around.
It is okay to feel that too. I say that aloud because that is something that is hard for me to feel as well. Because you don’t want to get to excited because what if you get burned? Or, what if it does not work out? But, feel the feels. That is how we glow brighter. That is how we do this together. We feel it all on many levels. I am not saying that you spit your feelings on everyone like a random person in the grocery store that you feel the feels with them. No. I am talking about doing that with yourself, with a journal, with a trusted friend. You have boundaries around that. I am not saying let’s be all out there. If you listen to Brene Brown’s work, she talks about that with vulnerability and having specific people where you can be vulnerable with because not everybody gets the luxury of knowing that. Yes. That is the message for today. To glow brighter, it is feeling our feels. Sitting in them. Being with them. Being okay with them. Identifying them. Releasing them. Allowing whatever comes, comes. Just embracing the journey. Embrace the journey of uncertainty of change. Embrace who you are. Let’s continue to glow brighter. Come back next week when we talk about gratitude! Talk to you then.