Glow Brighter with Toni: Starting Over...Begin Again
Glow Brighter with Toni: Starting Over….Begin Again
Published January 12, 2021 (Season 2, Episode 1)
Overview: On this episode of Glow Brighter with Toni, we are talking about what is coming up for season two as we are back for the first time. And, we are talking about starting over which really means beginning again.
Hello Everyone! Welcome to the first episode of season two, Glow Brighter with Toni. I am so happy to be here with you and I am so happy to be back recording on this platform. I have honestly not touched a microphone since the last episode in season one when I recorded the tribute to my Holy Hoodrat Trinity. It feels good to be back in action
but it also feels kinda weird too. I think that comes to the great pivot point of season two and for the new year of 2021, starting over. That is where I am at. That is where we are all at. The same boat. Another year down. I talk to some people and they say, “Why are people so excited about this New Year because we are basically still in the same state of mind? We are still in a worldwide pandemic. We are still not able to function to do things that we like to. We have had various chaos in our Capitol recently and it does not feel like we are on the up and up.” And, I like to say to counter that is that is what starting over is. It is a lot of hiccups, a lot of challenges, successes, and a lot of pushing forward. It is trying each and every day. I think that is the beauty of when you decide to start over is that you don’t really know what that looks like and you have no clue where that is going to go but you go willingly to try to do that.
For me, I remember we were driving in the car and it was January 1st, 2021, just recently, I see people outside. They are moving their arms while walking. I watched this one walker and they were swaying their arms and moving, and moving, and moving. I thought man, is this not what the whole year is about? Is this not what we do when we start over? Starting over, I love it. I could see the crispiness in the air. People were power walking with their arms flaring. I thought this is the start of the new year. This is the promise and the hope that things might be different. The look forwardness where we go with boldness that we continue to go forward. That is the beauty of starting over because although it is hard, you approach it full face ready to seize the day. Ready to seize the day! When you are on a journey, no matter what has happened in your life. Can it be the death of your beloved animals like myself? Could it be that you just got out of a long-term relationship? It could be a transition where your child is going to college and you are having empty-nest syndrome. It could be you are starting a new job or you are starting anything…getting a new haircut, a new workout program, a new diet that is all the rage when the new year flips over. We all approach with that hope that we are going to do it this time. We are going to change it. We are going to do it. We are going to try. That is something that always pumps me up and inspires me. When I see people clear as day going and pushing forward, and like I said, we might not know the end result or the answer. Or, even if our course is going to stay the same course that we planned. But, we continue to go forward with boldness and we face it full face. That is really freaking brave. That is really freaking strong. And, that is where our episode is going to take off.
We are going to breakdown and talk about what happens when you actually start over. When you get the courage to try something new. When you want to live it up and you fail and it does not go, you end up with “egg on your face” to quote that saying. But, you get back up. That is starting over. All of those things is coupled with the excitement, with the hope, with wanting a change. There is nothing greater than I feel that starts off our 2021 season two than with that implementation, with that spirit, with that liveliness, with that conviction to face things full face. Come back and we are going to discuss starting over with a few of my stories of how my journey has been since the last time that we spoke and a few tips about starting over in 2021 and tips in general for life. See back here in a few!
Like I said in the last segment, I wish that I could say that whenever you are beginning again, it is easy. It is wonderful. It is beautiful. Sometimes it is. And sometimes it is really not. For me, one of the things, after I said goodbye to Gaby and Judd, I had to learn what to do in the mornings. My life was so accustomed to waking up in the mornings, taking them out to go the bathroom, walking them, and then coming back inside. Granted, as they got older, we really did not walk that much but still I took them outside. I had that routine in place of then feeding them and then go on and get dressed and do my own thing. When I did not have them anymore, I had to shift. I had to figure out how I was going to figure my time. What does that look like in the mornings? What does that look like now for me? Also, during the day that I would take them out or I would go out with friends to dinner or anything, I would have to rush back home and make sure that they were okay and clean up accidents. I did not have that anymore. I did not have these two beings that I was caring. Now, the person that I had to think about was myself. It was weird and awkward. I am used to doing self-reflection and self-things. For almost seventeen years, I did not have really those. I had two other beings that I had cared for and did things for. For me, I could not figure out my mornings. I woke up later. I work from home. I do not have to wake up early anymore. I can just roll out of bed quickly. Then, I realized that kinda works but I do not know if that really works. It is randomly trying to figure out instead of walking in the mornings. I would go walking at lunch and do my walk by myself. I remember walking around the block for the first time since I had walked Judd and Gaby. I remember I walked around the block and I cried because it was the first time that I did it on my own. I think when I said that starting over is super exciting, it is also coupled sometimes that since of loss or grief or that fear and anxiety about not knowing what that is going to look like. I think that for me was one of the more challenging things.
I remember getting the Halo watch from Amazon. No, this is not a sponsorship. I signed up to be a tester of it. I got it. I was so jazzed. I was pumped up. I was wearing it. It was Velcro. It was irritating my wrist. I was going to see how great I was sleeping or not sleeping and my sleep patterns, how much I was moving throughout the day, etc. It had this feature take your photo where it would give you exactly your body composition like how much body percentage weight you had with your fat…everything. I took those photos and I was OMG depressed. What is happening. I hate this watch. But, then I got really motivated. It started motivating me. But, then I realized this stupid watch is controlling my life. Why am I letting this watch tell me when I need to sleep? When I need to do this? For me, I did not love the watch that counted my steps. It felt very restrictive. However, for other people in my life, some of my best friends have different fitness watches and love it. It is super motivational. For me, I realized that I was constantly checking that thing and worried about it. What I found out through the watch was what I already knew is that I am really active. I really do move throughout the day. I try to move my body, go for walks, and do things. For me personally, I tried it as part of my new journey of starting over and getting a new routine. It did not work. I realized that is not for me. I stopped using it. And, that is part of anything when you begin again, start again, start over. Be okay with knowing to try things. To try it. If it does not work for you after you have given it a try, then say that is really not me. Listen to yourself. There is nothing more important than listening to your own body, to your own mind, to your own spirit, to your own soul because inside of you lies your answers. When you quiet down, everything around you, your body gives you the answer…..your mind, your soul, everything. For me, on my starting over ritual, that was a try and fail. Bye. Did not work. I realized that trying to figure out a new routine without the dogs was something to do still do. And, I am still trying to figure out what that is and what that looks like for me. This is another tip. We just said it is okay to try things and to figure it out and fail. Do not even use the word fail. It is okay to try it and realize that it is not for you. The second thing is realizing that everyday you are beginning again or that you can enhance the process. Or, change it and figure out the way it works for you. There are no timelines. There is nothing that is preventing you from doing anything in that kind of matter.
My routine now is that I will wake up later. I will have my morning tea. I will come sign in. I will go walking during lunch. I eat lunch in my “breakroom” but that it is actually just my kitchen. Then, I go from there with the rest of my day. I am still figuring out what that looks like. Sometimes that still brings me to my knees. I can still remember that on December 23rd 2020 most recently. I was crying, crying, because I felt so alone and not having my dogs with me. That is the thing sometimes it hits you at different times and that is okay too. When you are beginning again or starting over, allow yourself the grace to figure it out. Allow yourself the grace to feel it all. Feel your feels. Go back to that episode and listen to it again. Feel your feels. Feel it all. Embrace it all. Embrace what is coming.
One of the last things that I would say is have fun. Have fun, trying, and figuring it out. Have fun and find something to laugh about with all the craziness to realize that there is still life worth living. That has been my journey with starting over recently. What has your journey been? What does that look like? What has happened in your life? What have you done? Where have you gone? What have you been through? Part of the greatness of growing each day, of glowing brighter each day is realizing that you can be reflective, that you can change, and that you can begin. Everyday it is to begin. It is a clean slate for each and every day in each and every way. That is like the saying that every day is a clean slate make the best of it. That is what it is. Embrace all those feelings. Embrace it all. Get a watch and realize it is not for you.
Then, the other thing that I would say is little changes are big changes. When you are starting over in 2021, let’s just say that you are on a diet. Myself, I am on a cleanse. I am on the whole30 cleanse. I am on day 8. Whoop whoop! I am doing it with a group, a large group, called the Cleanse Comprades. We are sticking to it. If you have ever done the Whole 30 or a cleanse or anything, you realize that you need support. You need motivation. You need a group to get through. Or, you need people in your life who are going to help you, push you. Granted some of us are really great self-starters and can do it alone and I fall into that category but it is nice and wonderful to learn from other people’s knowledge, experience where you gain all the things that they can teach us. I think that is one of the most powerful things when you are starting over on a diet or whatever that you are learning, you are obtaining, you are a sponge absorbing information through the dieting or whatever. One day you miss up and you have the next day or the next meal to catch up. That is why a lot of people at the beginning of the year that set New Year’s Resolutions will fall off and I think it is because we are pushing all of these big changes on us. And sometimes the little changes are the big changes. If you can just change a little bit, for me, changing my walks from the morning to lunches, has been a gamechanger for my emotional, mental health by getting away from my computer where I am working my actual office job. Little changes. Listening to an uplifting podcast. Reading a book. Talking to a friend. All of those things contribute to us starting again. There is nothing greater than that. If you are on a cleanse or on a diet or starting over and you decided to set all these big goals, I applaud you. I love it. I set intentions. I set end of the year intentions for the next year. I set my intentions on the new moon and on the full moon for the month. I believe in that. I believe in that wholeheartedly but I also allow myself the grace that little changes are big changes. I might not see them all the time and I want the HUGE end of result of losing such and such pounds. Well, I can also appreciate by thanking my body, thank my mind, and thank my spirit for getting through each day by making good changes, by whatever that look like for you. That is the beauty of it all.
There is a quote that said “Every day is a new beginning. Take a deep breath and start again.” I hope that you will continue to do that. If you are struggling and you went through something that was so dire and it is so hard on your heart, I hope that hearing this or hearing our community of Glow Brighter with Toni that you realize that you have the ability and the willpower to do it. You are supported. You are so loved. Just know that everyone journeying on their path and there are people that are aligned to support you, to love you, and to connect with you. Come back and we are going to discuss more.
I found this article. It was very short and it was in The Huffington Post by this contributor, Justine Brooks Froelker. She is a mental health therapist. The title of it is “The Difference Between Starting Over and Beginning Again.” I love what she wrote. She said, “Stop starting over. Begin again.” Isn’t that so beautifully put? I know throughout this episode I was saying starting again or starting over but the more positive spin on that is begin again instead. Begin again instead. Begin. You have already started your journey. You have already started on your path and on your purpose. You have already gone through whatever you needed to go through that you needed to start over with. So, you are going to begin again. I find that, no I love that so much because it just changes it in the way. Sometimes we put all this pressure on starting over or starting again and it is just beginning. It is just beginning. And the best place to start she said is to step. To quote her, “Because it is only in owning all the parts of our story; mistakes, struggles and all and practicing our recovery that we become the always, growing, the always healing, best version of ourselves. Always rising ever upward. The best start again is step. Begin again.” How beautifully put is that. I could not say it better and I just love that so much. Begin again. Give yourself the greatest gift by beginning again.
I know that I recently….I used to change jobs a lot, moved around, because of my personal life and I would move different cities and building connections with someone else. I would work with different organization and they would want to hire me or we would really connect and then I would decide to work with then. They had a position open and I would fulfill that role. I remember getting my last office job that I am currently at and I thought while going in the first day to quote the blog of beginning again. I begin again a new job. I remember thinking that this was a mistake. This is a mistake. Everybody here is so quiet. Nobody talks. It is working and listening to my own thoughts, back and forth. It is a very constrictive environment and I am not happy. What did I do? I thought this is the worst. Then, I thought you know what by the end of this, by the end of the year, I am going to turn this office around and I am going to find things outside of the office if I cannot change it that is going to fuel my life and my heart. That is how I found my Power of 8 group that I still talk to today by listening to seminars while I had all that time by myself at my desk to listen and work. I found that group. I found ways to incorporate that differently. That opened up my experiences. Through that job I went and played on our extracurricular activities, the softball league, and that is where I found my boyfriend. You get aligned with all of these things that puts you on this path to begin again and look for those little opportunities, little nuggets, and little gifts that come to you each day.
Like she said, it is only in knowing all parts of our stories; mistakes and struggles and all and practicing our recovery that we become the always growing, the always healing, best version of ourselves. That is the beauty of beginning again, of going forward again. To glow brighter and to continue on, each day rise up and face it. Face it like that power walker was powering towards their goals in 2021. You face it full on, full hardly, full face ready to face whatever is coming your way. My favorite quote and I always say it wrong so I will say the real version and my version. I say Success Favors the Bold. The real quote is Fortune favors the bold. I believe that. Whenever you are going forward, go boldly because either way it is going to teach you, push you, give you the greatest results, either way it is going forward. That is our momentum for 2021. That is the momentum that I am pushing as I continue to begin again, to figure out my routine, and figure out life. I am sure that is going to be a lifelong process.
This season, we are going to continue to brush up on more topics. We are going to have a teach me segment where I will bring in guests that will probably happen later to mid stages of this year. We have people come on and teach us things. There is so much knowledge that people have and I am just in awe of all of their just brains. I am like can you just fuel that and put that all into my head so I will then know. I love learning about anything. We are going to continue to approach on relationships, boundaries, beginning again, anything that comes up in the world that we need to talk about, and anything strikes us with connection on how do we glow brightest. All of those topics will be discussed on season two. I look forward to continuing to be in your ears throughout this season. I would love for you to a comment or subscribe at Instagram at @toniappelt1. Or, recommend or tell someone about the podcast. Or, leave a five star review if you would like. I look forward to beginning again with you and I will see you all next week. Have a beautiful, beautiful week! A beautiful, beautiful time honoring yourself and beginning again.